Have you ever had those times when you wonder what in the world you are doing in life. Today is my day off and I've enjoyed the down time. I took my oldest daughter to get two wisdom teeth out this morning and everything went well. Came home and mowed the front yard before realizing it's still winter time. Worked on some laundry and then watched some baseball. I've really gotten away from baseball the last couple of years; I'm a Cubs fan so there's not been much reason to keep up with baseball (Cubs lost their opener today too).
I've also been reading a book by Pastor Stephen Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I'm enjoying the book, it is very inspiring. It's wonderful how God has blessed Furtick's ministry and the exponential growth of Elevation. Furtick seems to be a pretty ordinary guy with great faith in a great God. The book is titled "Sun Stand Still" and it is based on Joshua's prayer in Josh. 10:12, where he prays for the sun to "stand still" in the sky so he and the Israelites can finish off the enemy. It's an impossibility that God grants him. Furtick attributes the success of his ministry and his church to the power of God that is activated by audacious faith and radical obedience; praying "sun stand still" kind of prayers, and acting in faith.
I love reading these kinds of books - I'm both encouraged and challenged. Encouraged because I love to read about great moves of God that transforms lives and grows His Church. Several of the stories have brought me to tears. But challenged because I have in my heart the desire to be involved in a great move of God. I've sensed it for years, I've prayed for it, and at times I thought I would experience it, and while I have seen the hand of the Lord at work in my life and in our church, it's nothing on the scale of what I feel in my heart.
I turn 46 next week (which maybe the reason I'm a little reflective and moody), and I'm wondering what I have done in my life that has brought glory to God and impacted this world for my King. I struggle with the fact that what I feel that God has put in my heart hasn't become a reality, and I'm wondering if it ever will. I know the answers that I would give to others in my situation - "it's God's job to do the work, your job is to be faithful no matter what; God's in the little things; every small act done in Christ's name brings reward in heaven." I know all the answers, but none of them seem to satisfy.
I'm thankful for all that God has let me be a part of in my life. There's no doubt I have been blessed time and time again; I don't want to come across as ungrateful, but I yearn for more. I long for an ability to lead people to a life-changing encounter with God. I yearn for a genuine revival in my life and the church where lives are changed, souls are saved, relationships are restored, ministries are started and worked, and each week or day we see the mighty hand of God moving on His people. I long to be a part of a great move of God that brings Him glory and brings me the sense of "this is it, this is what I've created you for, this is what I put in your heart."
The Lord is stirring something in me, I don't know where it will lead, but I'm ready for God to do something great, I'm ready for the sun to stand still for the glory of God. I pray He moves soon.
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